After a long day with my girls - full of fighting, yelling, crying, whining, and other patience destroying mayhem - it all dawned on me.
Earlier in the evening, after my 5 year old yelled at my mother and I and then cried about everything - I told her I was mad. This threw her into a frenzy of anxious faces, sobbing, and full body worry. She did not want me to be mad. At only 5 - her need to please me was so strong that it engulfed her. I explained that I was mad at her behavior, not her as a person. The joy this elicited from her was like Christmas morning. I struggled to get her to sleep - she wanted to talk and be WITH me, not just near me. My mother (whose house we were staying at for a night) finally cuddled her while I took a break to find my sanity. Once I finally went to bed, in a double bed shared by myself and my 5 year old, I spooned her. Her legs draped over mine, my arm over her - you couldn't separate who what who. I whispered "I love you" and was rewarded with a sleep giggle - one of my favorite sounds.
I realized at that moment that the behavior could be fixed but I was going about it the wrong way. This bright, observant little girl was completely dependent on me for her stability, confidence and happiness. In order to change her behavior - I needed to first change mine.
I snuck out of the room to put this on paper while it was fresh on my mind. I wasn't gone 5 minutes before she came sleepily swaggering to find me. I sent her back to bed with a promise that I would join her in just a minute and she left me with a hug and a smile. Her exchange was wordless but poignant. She knew where I needed to be and she showed the answer to me. Off to cuddle I go...
