My children ended up having a wonderful Christmas thanks to friends and family who made it magical. I don't know what I would have done without their love and support. December was hectic and went by quickly, January was busy with packing a house while hubby was in another state, February was full of unpacking, March-April-and now May - it has taken this long to realize that I haven't been writing and I miss it.
In January my husband took a new job. Better pay, better benefits. Only we had to move away from all our friends and family. 8 hours away from those family and friends. Two states away. We are now in the lovely state of Georgia.
It's been interesting. The kids seem to be thriving. They are doing well in school, making friends, and have adjusted better than I even expected.
Hubby's job is going ok. I know it is exhausting for him. He doesn't have an office so he works from his truck/home and has had to get used to making sure he has everything with him. I know he is frustrated a lot and hoping he made the right choice.
As for me - i haven't found my spot yet.
I feel like I don’t really exist here. In NC I was a preschool
teacher, a massage therapist, a friend, a daughter, a dance mom, kindergarten
room mom, local girl. I had a history. I had a support group. I had friends. I
had extended family.
Here my children are doing well. Our living space is better.
Our finances are better.
I am not better.
Not yet.
I have great neighbors who are very helpful and I really like them. I miss my friends though.
I miss my girls that I could call and say hey lets get lunch and vent for a while. I
don’t have a purpose other than my kids. I know for some that would be enough.
Maybe I need to make it enough. I fell like I am losing a bit of myself every
day. I don’t feel like I can talk to my mom about it because then she worries
and misses us more.
I don’t feel I can talk to my husband about it because he is
working so hard. Long days, long drives, coming home sprayed with foul smelling
stuff and having to think about all the little parts of work he has to remember
since he doesn’t have an office. I don’t feel like I should trouble him. I
need to get a life in every sense of the word. I need to find a way to earn a
little money so I feel like I am contributing to our family, to our life, to my
own brain. I need to make a name for myself even in a small group so I gain
some identity back.
Because right now I feel so lost that I am worried I won't
be found.
I have been consumed with making sure everyone else is adjusting ok and is happy. With making our rental house a home. With getting used to our new surrounding. I forgot to take a little time to look up things for me to do.
I can do this - I just need to take the time.
