When my husband and I were first together we were very cuddly. Every night in bed he would spoon me then after a bit we would both roll over and I would spoon him. Then when we were ready to sleep, we would separate. I remember wanting to be able to snuggle him all night but I just couldn't. I was so used to sleeping alone that it was hard for me to fall asleep unless I had rolled away.
Then we started having kids. The first did start out in a bassinet next to our bed but my eyesight is so awful with my contacts out that I would panic every night because I couldn't SEE her and see if she was breathing, in a good position, etc. That's how she ended up in the bed (and as a dedicated but lazy breastfeeding mama - i could doze while nursing her).
My husband and I still slept next to each other because he was afraid he would roll on her. Once she got older, she ended up in middle. Then came child #2. She never slept anywhere else but our bed. She would be on one side of me and #1 would be on the other. Hubby didn't mind them in the middle at this point because we discovered we slept better with them and didn't roll on them. Slept better when they were babies that is.
Child #3 also was/is a bed partner. For the longest time, he was the middle person in the bed. Some nights #1 would join up, the next night #2 or sometimes both. Even a king size bed does not seem very big with 5 people in it. Hubby and I have talked about it a lot and we don't plan on kicking them out of bed - it's a safe, warm place for them. Plus I have always thought it was weird that Mommy and Daddy can go to bed together and have someone to snuggle, curl up next to after a bad dream, and just feel comfort that someone is near - yet we send small children (with vivid imaginations) to bed alone.
There are nights where we don't enjoy it, especially with legs getting longer each day but as long as they do not come in too early - we are still fine with it. We have changed things though.
My husband and I had a few months that were a little rough. It was just easier to distance ourselves rather than paying attention to what each other needed. The funny thing is the more you focus on your own needs and not on your partners - the less support and affection you both get. You are too busy feeling ignored to actually pay attention to the other person! We decided to change that and it has been wonderful. A big change has been nighttime cuddles.
We have been going to bed at the same time more often and when we do, #3 is moved over to the side of the bed. If the other two wander in at some point, we tell them "climb on in! - beside your brother." Sometimes there are complaints about wanting to be next me but I am telling them "You get a lot of my time and attention during the day, it's daddy's turn now."
Now my husband and I are next to each other. We are making our relationship a priority and paying attention to the fact that we need each others attention. We don't want to get to that place again.
Every night in bed he spoons me then after a bit we both roll over and I spoon him. The difference now is we don't roll apart. Whether it's because we don't get to give each other a lot of attention during the day, subconscious worries that if we let go, we might drift apart again, or because we have found our safe, warm place - the reason doesn't matter.
What is important is now we hold on to each other until morning and even then it's hard to let go....
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